We’ve all seen it. Someone asking their significant other for a phone or social media password. 

While it may seem harmless to have that access, that one action could sometimes be the start of an unhealthy or controlling relationship. But, what does an unhealthy relationship really look like? 

Keeping tabs, pressuring them to always hang out, constantly asking what they are doing and who they are with, and always looking for reassurance and proof of loyalty can all be signs of an unhealthy relationship. 

“I see it all the time; I tend to overhear students talking about logging into their partner’s Snapchat. It’s kinda scary and I don’t think students realize what they are doing,” English Teacher and One Love Advisor Mrs. Epps said. 

She goes on to say, “These problems are all a matter of boundaries. It’s not even just relationships, but friendships too. One person will tell another person to stop and they don’t or think they are joking. It is a boundary issue.” 

Small actions like these can create a habit of destruction. Peggy Carver; Dallastown mom and cafeteria staff experienced just this.  

“For me, it started off as something that seemed innocent; he didn’t like my friends. I didn’t think anything of it because he said they were a bad influence and I believed him. By the time I realized what was happening it was too late and I felt stuck because of already having a house and a kid together. The abuse started and just escalated from there.”

This is not just a rare issue. The domestic violence hotline normally receives 21,000 calls a day and about 15 calls per minute. People have the mindset that it doesn’t happen around here, but in fact, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 4 boys from Pennsylvania have experienced or are experiencing some sort of dating violence while still in high school. 

Domestic Violence Advocate Kimberly Claborn said, “Abuse prevention begins with our youth. Studies show that most abusers had some sort of early childhood trauma involving their mother. This can be either from abandonment or from being put on a pedestal and never having consequences.” 

She also said,” When kids grow up and all their lives see hitting, control, and anger, they think that’s the way to handle things. Their goal is to be “bigger and badder” which is why this needs to be talked about more in schools.” 

These issues all stem back to boundaries as Epps said. While in school, students find themselves and decide what kind of person they want to be. So, when choosing relationships whether it be friends or dating people must keep in mind what a good relationship looks like. 

A healthy relationship consists of love, trust, boundaries, and encouragement not control. As a whole, people are starting to recognize that, which resulted in Dallastown creating a One Love Club. 

One Love is a statewide organization started by the family of Yeardley Love in 2010. Love grew up in Maryland. She got into a relationship just as any high schooler would, however, things quickly turned as he murdered her. Love’s family saw signs that he was bad news, but didn’t take action soon enough. 

Love’s family vowed to end dating violence and started the One Love Organization, which has now been adopted into many schools including Dallastown. 

The club’s goal is to raise money, awareness, and educate Dallastown about dating abuse. So far, the club has done a bake sale. They plan to do canning at the basketball games, bring in guest speakers, and even do a Valentine’s Day event. The club was started by seniors Sarah Mitimet and Abby Langmeid with Mrs. Epps as the teacher advisor. 

There are more and more resources coming out to help end relationship abuse and domestic violence. If you know someone or are going through this please reach out. It gets easier as soon as people start talking. To reach out, contact a trusted parent, guidance counselor, principal, teacher, or the domestic violence hotline: 877-235-4525. Change starts with the people.